'˜Elf and safety?
NYL. Hello, Rother council, how can I help?
Me. The hinge pin has come out of my black bin, can you send one for me to fit and save the council a bunch of money?
NYL. I would think so, sounds like a good idea to me; I’ll just have to check. Please hold the line.
Music for a short while
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Hide AdNYL. Hello, I’m afraid that’s not possible for ‘elf n safety’ reasons. We must send out a man to fit it.
Me. ‘Elf n safety’, you’re kidding me? I hope he will be wearing the regulation hi-viz jacket and a hard hat and safety boots. I would hate for something to fall on his head, or that he gets run over by a bus in my back garden, or he drops the plastic hinge pin on his foot.
NYL. Laughter. Please can I have your address and telephone number? They might give you a ring before coming to you.
Me. Laughter They might find us out if they don’t. Thanks for your help NYL.
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Hide AdAs I said before, the pins are plastic and a five-year-old could fit one with absolutely no chance whatsoever of amputating a finger.
When he comes around to fit the pin, I wonder if the council’s representative will please give me an ‘elf n safety’ brief and demonstration on how to put my rubbish in the bin, as I am far more likely to damage my fingers with the lid dropping onto them than I am pushing a round peg into a round hole.
Ye Gods and little fishes, ‘Elf n safety’? I give up.
TREVOR THOMAS
De La Warr Road
Bexhill-on-Sea